The Downside to Yoga Teacher Training

My YTT is spread out over the course of 7 months…that’s along time. It sounded great when I signed up for it. I thought it would really give me a chance to integrate yoga into my life, and I’m not just talking about asanas people….I do yoga every damn day (well almost)… I’m talking about living my yoga and living in a yogic way. This weekend marks the halfway point and I can honestly say, I’m like “niyama what?!!?!?!” “chakra where?” This is not boding well, and instead of catching up on my reading I’m writing about how I don’t know what the hell is going on. How did this happen? I unintentionally quit the spiritual journal; I thought I’d pick it up again after the new year, predictably I have not. I can’t sit still for a 10 minute meditation to save my life… and practicing kapalabhati…ugh!!!


My yoga teacher said there will come a point where I am hungry for all of this. Am I not there? I want to teach yoga, I want to live the yogic way, but when it comes down to actually doing it…. I am struggling to say the least. I have to turn in my spiritual journal at tomorrow night’s class…and it’s empty…completely. An entire month of empty pages. I am tempted to lie and just make up 30 something days of revelations and insights, but that’s not very yogic either.

Instead, I’m going to practice ahimsa (nonviolence) and try not to beat myself up over all of this lack of discipline. I need to remind myself that (as cliche as it sounds) it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey….and my path might just be a little longer than others.

Now to cram 6 weeks worth of studying into just a few hours!


Yoga Teacher Training

At the end of October I started my yoga teacher training with a local studio here in Bend and weekend number three of seven begins tonight. Each weekend there is both excitement and trepidation. Each weekend we’re forced out of our comfort zone a little more, encouraged to explore ourselves and our lives a little more, but that’s not enough…we have to talk about it. It’s not just internal reflection, but we have to share what we find….and sometimes we don’t like what we find. And I can’t help, but think “Why on earth would I ever share THAT?”

The hardest part about teacher training isn’t the postures or the meditation, but learning to live your yoga. And it’s hard!!! Cultivating awareness and mindfulness to live according to the yamas isn’t easy and it’s definitely not “fun” when you begin to realize just how frequently  you violate the yamas. The yamas are kind of like a code of ethics to encourage bliss and happiness and to end suffering; there are five yamas, as follows: ahimsa (nonviolence), satya (truthfulness), asteya (non-stealing), braymacharya (moderation), and aparigraha (non-attachment).

Yoga is and always will be a work in progress, hopefully someday soon it will get easier.

I have no idea where this quote came from, but it’s something like this:

“I do yoga, I meditate, I chant and I still want to slap somebody.” And that’s how I feel on most days, okay maybe not most days, but probably more often than I should.

Here’s to another weekend of yoga teacher training! Namaste!