My YTT is spread out over the course of 7 months…that’s along time. It sounded great when I signed up for it. I thought it would really give me a chance to integrate yoga into my life, and I’m not just talking about asanas people….I do yoga every damn day (well almost)… I’m talking about living my yoga and living in a yogic way. This weekend marks the halfway point and I can honestly say, I’m like “niyama what?!!?!?!” “chakra where?” This is not boding well, and instead of catching up on my reading I’m writing about how I don’t know what the hell is going on. How did this happen? I unintentionally quit the spiritual journal; I thought I’d pick it up again after the new year, predictably I have not. I can’t sit still for a 10 minute meditation to save my life… and practicing kapalabhati…ugh!!!
My yoga teacher said there will come a point where I am hungry for all of this. Am I not there? I want to teach yoga, I want to live the yogic way, but when it comes down to actually doing it…. I am struggling to say the least. I have to turn in my spiritual journal at tomorrow night’s class…and it’s empty…completely. An entire month of empty pages. I am tempted to lie and just make up 30 something days of revelations and insights, but that’s not very yogic either.
Instead, I’m going to practice ahimsa (nonviolence) and try not to beat myself up over all of this lack of discipline. I need to remind myself that (as cliche as it sounds) it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey….and my path might just be a little longer than others.
Now to cram 6 weeks worth of studying into just a few hours!